Time Out

What is right? What is wrong? What is good What is evil? What is my thinking? What is God Thinking? What is the enemy?

I find myself overwhelmed by these questions all day every day. I seem to be preoccupied with how to think that everything else around me falls apart!

Why cant the noise just stop?! There are so many things going on and i just need time out. But I cannot get time out as i need money to survive. CATCH 22! ARRRRRRHHHHHHHHG!

Any ideas on how to get time out?

Recon 101

My Journey through life has taken another twist. I have gone back to my roots. I have decided to be one of the disciplined. I have decided to face the issues of life and not run away from them. If you are still reading this, you must be thinking "What the hell is wrong with this guy, can he not make his mind up?" Well the simple answer is "Not until now". I have wondered away. I have not been bothered. I have done my own thing. I doesnt work and i cannot live in indecision. I need to reconcile with the Source. I have started that process. Recon 101 has begun. Life ahead is full of potential possibilities... Come back tomorrow and find out what the story of my life is like. will it be the same?? What will have happened?

not sure what the title should be

There is something refreshing about the Message. The words make sense. There is a resonance of truth somewhere inside me, whether it is my mind, soul or spirit, i am yet to figure that out.

I think that i am on the road to finding out this thing called "Grace". Where it takes me, i really dont know. I dont deserve this. I should be punished for all my wickedness. I have been given mercy. I am free from my past. I have been given hope. Now all i need to do is stop writing and get stuck into this. There is a truely massive harvest to gather in.

Grace?

i hear week in and week out about the life of Jesus. The people at church claim Him to be the answer to all things.

I see this "Perfect" life. Always smiling, everything seems to be just fine and dandy. God this and Jesus that. It seems to good to be true.

My experience of life recently has been the total opposite. I have fallen very short of this "Life in Christ". It has been hard. I have been hurt. I have seen the dark side of this world. I have been broken. I have made many miserable mistakes.

Yet i write this now somehow knowing that something is different. Is it my attitude? I dont know? Is it a choice i made? Or is it Divine Intervention?

All i know is this. I am not satisfied with what i know. There has to be more to life than what i do know! I am determined to find the true meaning of life and i will live life to the full.

It is finished

Today i give up. i give up on life as i know it. it is a horrible mess. it is so unattractive that Quasi Moto has more chance of being asked out by a supermodel than this life of mine has of attracting people to it. it is ugly. it is dark. it is mean. it is deceitful. it is malicious. it is broken. it is bruised. it is lonely. it is beyond repair. it is not worthy of anything. it is sinful.

If there is hope, it is not because of me. It has to be from something beyond me. I cannot save myself. I am useless and unworthy to be called human.

i think that i should go and live in the desert and spend the rest of my days away from humanity. That way my sinful and evil heart wont hurt anybody.

What else can i say? there are no more words.

Learning to shut up

Dont you just wish that you could take back words? I do. I wish i had not said many things. I wish i had thought about what i was going to say. I really do. I am not going to dwell on this, i am just going to say that there are alot of people ut there that i havent kept my word to. My Yes has been No and my No has been Yes. To those that read this, i am sincerely sorry about breaking promises. I realised how my one can be hurt when somebody did this to me this weekend. I was SO disappointed. I thought to myself that this is not how i want people to feel if i do the same. I then thought about how quick i am to say yes to something without thinking about it. I need to keep my mouth shut. i really think that is the bottom line. Shut up or you can hurt somebody.

Where do you draw the line?

Today i am very disappointed. I have been trying to get a meeting with a my cell-group leader for the past few weeks, but havent been successful. When i call and he cannot talk, he says he will get back to me. He still hasnt. In desperation i sent a message to him saying that i urgently needed help. He called back and said that he will help me out. He agreed to meet for lunch today. When i asked him what time it we were meeting, he said he had to cancel. Now i am normally cool with people cancelling and not being able to make it. It happens. But where do you draw the line? When is enough enough? If you say you will call somebody back and if you know how much that person needs your help, and you dont, how is the other person supposed to feel and act? Forgive and forget? Possibily. But if it is consistent, do you just forget and move on? Do you look for help elsewhere?

I am sure that i have done this before to somebody and it is now payback time for me. If that person whom i cancelled on and never got back to helping out when they were in need, i am truely sorry. Today i have realised how much keeping your word means. It means everything.